Why Do We Get Married?
It’s very straight forward question which requires a straight and honest answer!!
When such questions are posed to someone, you can’t really find the person ready with the answer, simply because he has no intention as to why he is getting married.
So as yourself now, What is the intention?
Do you remember what the Prophet p.b.u.h said regarding intentions?
He p.b.u.h said: Deeds are considered by intentions and a person will be rewarded according to his intention. So whoever emigrated from Allah and His Messenger, his emigration would emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry his emigration would be for what he emigrated for.”
[Al Bukhari and Muslim]
The marriage should be a lifetime process and not just to have a taste of sweet talks and memories!
The marriage was intended to be for life (i.e. forever) and for the sake of Allah (i.e worship, to please Allah, and to establish a righteous family) then the marriage will last.
Bear with me that:
Not only with love can survive in this life.
Love does not solve our problem.
Beauty is amongst the reasons of creating problems, so use your beauty (by observing the proper hijab)and don’t misuse it.
Do not think because you are beautiful that your husband must fulfill all your requests and that he must bear all your mistakes. Don’t think that she cannot live without you just because you are handsome and rich.
If your reason for getting married is only Love, then you have got a problem.
Dear Brothers and Sisters…
Marriage is a Life, what do we mean by that?
For example, those who love each other normally must speak on the phone, text each other, go out together as a couple a week or etc…
But marriage is a life, he is there for you day and night and you too is there to bear with him, the pressure of this life in the time of his anger, to be kind with her when she’s uncomfortable during her menstruation and pregnancy, in short to stand together hand in hand in good times and also in hard times.
So expect that marriage must be 24 hours a day happiness and enjoyment, as we said marriage is a life and so we must live our lives in a natural manner, we can’t be all the way in a peaceful mood, sometime he is just nervous, sometimes, she is just busy on cleaning, and washing and smell onion and garlic, so you must bear this ugly moments together as you have enjoyed happy moments earlier.
So how can we bear those difficult situations that we face after marriage? Both parties should be living together for the sake of Allah.
So do not be fooled by sweet words that has nothing to do with ‘real love’, those words (i.e I love you, I can’t wait till I see you tomorrow, I miss you, etc..) can never establish this life (i.e marriage),this so called Love will fail when facing the reality of life ,when facing difficult time, that love will run away.
But if you want your marriage to last forever (i.e till you die) then it should be done strictly for Allah’s sake.
True marriage is the only way towards emotional security, that is when you become sure that your wife or husband truly loves you (i.e that true love and not sweet talk love).
How can you be sure?
Hard times and tough situations will prove whether he is playing around or serious, spending nice time till he goes back to his country or trying his best to establish an Islamic family?
What is the intention?
Please remind yourself of the saying of the Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h, when he said:
“The eyes also commit zina, and their zina is the lustful look, the hands also commit zina, and their zina is the lustful of touch, the feet also commit zina, and their zina is the going (to place of fornication), and the hearts love and desire.”
The heart can also love and desire in Halal manner, if he did so with his wife or if she love and desire her husband. So please fear Allah and care about His commands, be careful of the fornication of the heart which is to love and to desire your ‘boyfriend or girlfriend’ .It is a huge issue that we must be aware of and that is to love and desire in Halal manner as explained earlier (i.e marriage),and that is what we call it the emotional security.
Please note: That to love your husband or wife is not a condition for the marriage to be valid.
Abdullah Ibn Umar Ibn Al Khattab,[Ra] told his father “I want to divorce my wife.” Umar told him: “Why O my son?” He said: “I don’t love her?” So there upon Umar replied:”Subhannallah (Glory be to Allah)” O my son, were all homes establish upon love? So where is the protection (i.e security) and whereas the covenant?”
Can you see the security of true marriage in Islam?
It’s not just because you hated or you don’t love your wife anymore is to divorce her, otherwise there is no security here. You may not love her anymore but she must remain your wife, she must be treated with all kindness and get all her rights as a wife.
Once the Prophet p.b.u.h was asked by someone “To whom shall I give my daughter in marriage?” So he P.B.U.H replied: “To a religion man, because if he loves her he would treat her with all kindness, and if he hated her, he would never oppress her.”
This what you should look for ,this is the criteria of a good husband that you should be aware of this the criteria in which you should teach your children when they are about to marry Insha’Allah in the future. However the Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h also asked us to look for a virtues man or women when we get married means look also for a mannered person.
Listen to the Prophet p.b.u.h when he said:
“No believing man should hate a believing woman, if he dislikes on of her characteristic ,he will be pleased with another.”
This saying shows how humble and kind the husband is, he might one of his wife’s characteristics, but he will do his best to find another quality in her which he may like and so, he will not care so much about he dislike in his wife. Can you see how manners go hand in hand with over religion?
I wanted to say in brief that in order for you to have a lasting marriage, you should first have TAQWA, you must fear God in what you are doing ,you cannot attain this security without TAQWA, but how can we be secured? By doing what is Halal by doing what is right by realizing that Allah is over watching us and by only doing what please Him.
So to answer the question of out topic which is Why Do We Get Married?
In few words I would say “To attain security/safety/protection of emotions so that the heart can love and desire in a lawful manner.
Allah says: “Whoever works in righteousness man or woman and has faith. Verily, to him, We will give a new life, a life that is good and pure and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions.”[Qur’an 16:97]
So if a person getting married with the intention of pleasing Allah, then be sure that Allah will make your life easy in this regards, Allah who feels no difficulties in running this universe is able to also run your life easy ans smoothly, just seek His pleasure in what you are doing.
If you just follow Allah the way he wants you to be (i.e true submission to His will),then he will be there for you in ways that exceeded your expectations.
Listen to our beloved Prophet P.B.U.H. he said:
“Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid (i.e he who struggles in the cause of Allah) a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life.”
Ask Allah to protect us from major sins and illegal sexual relationship and help us to have a chaste life..